In response to the news of Will & Kate’s new baby: the greatest anti-royal rant ever

Will & Kate's baby: the greatest anti-royal rant ever

When this magnificent rant appeared on the urban75 forums, I felt duty bound to immediately share it with the world.

So with thanks to the author ‘dylans’, here’s what I consider to be one of the greatest anti-royal rants ever:

I fucking hate Royal pregnancies and royal births and royal babies most of all.

I hate them more than fucking jubilees or fucking weddings or fucking coronations or fucking funerals.

I hate them more than the fucking royal visits to ever so grateful ex colonies, more than the bored expressions and plastic fixed smiles on their fucking ugly mugs as they sit through yet another grass skirt dance routine by some fucking half submerged pacific island tribe, more than the stupid flag waving, bunting hanging or tacky souvenir collecting that follows their every step, even more than the collectors edition minted coins and porcelain plates with their grotesque enamelled faces staring out from living room sideboards.

More than the forelock tugging, vomit inducing, front page tabloid articles and obsessive dissection of every irrelevant uninteresting detail of their unbelievably, indescribably, banal and tedious lives.

More than the cretinous fascination with their wardrobe , even more than the ludicrous obsequious slaving over every fucking thing they do and the pretence that cutting a fucking ribbon or waving at some idiotic crowd of worshipping gullible fools is some kind masterful accomplishment worthy of our wonder and gratitude.

Of all of this nauseating drivel, the baby stories are the worst.

Not only are we expected to celebrate the achievement of some privileged useless fucking toff in getting herself up the duff, an act for which we should all be eternally fucking enraptured but worse than that, we are meant to celebrate the fact that, by pure luck, by sheer chance, this grotty little sprog is going to be born into a life of unbelievable, indescribable, privilege and wealth.

A life that we are not only obliged to pay for but are expected to rejoice over.

See the original thread on urban75 here.