The A – Z of Gentrification – sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

Compiled with the help of folks living at the sharp end of a rapidly gentrifying neighbourhood, this guide hopes to let you swiftly identify the tell-tale words, phrases and signs that indicate your area is about to move ‘upmarket’.

Before you start spluttering the froth from your stretched piccolo latte into your fashionable waxed moustache, please note that not all of the individual things listed are necessarily bad or even outright proof of impending gentrification, but collectively they are likely indicators that the neighbourhood is ‘on the move’.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

A

Artists everywhere.
Artisan bread.
Art events.
Antic pubs.
Actors
Artist lofts.
“Adventurous” cuisine.
Astroturfing.
Al fresco dining.
Alcohol promotions.
Art galleries.
Apple MacBooks.
Apple stores.
Antique stores.
Anger (growing).
Meaningless awards (‘Greatest Neighbourhood,’ ‘Best market’ etc).

B

Bikes (single speed/vintage).
Trendy bike stores
Barratt Homes.
Brickbox.
Barbour clothes.
Bloggers.
Baristas.
Bistros.
Boutiques.
Beards.
Branding.
Buy to Let.
Boutique hotels.
Trendy barbers.
Braying.
BBC interviewers.
BMWs.
Buzzword spouting landgrabbers.
Black cabs.
Bow ties.
Blazers.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

C

Craft fairs.
Craft shops.
Craft beer.
Coffee shops.
Collectibles.
Coffee with fancy designs on the froth.
Cocktails.
Cupcakes (“the footsoldiers of gentrification”).
‘Community’ grants for well-heeled and well-connected new arrivals.
Creatives.
Specialist cheese shops.
Champagne & Cheese.
Crepes.
Cocktails.
Canvas shopping bags promoting local shops/blogs/ethical guff.
Costa Coffee.
Caffe Nero.
Charcuterie.
Cricket people.
Co-operatives crucified by the local council.
Celebrities.
Recently arrived ‘Community Spokespeople’.
Crowdfunding appeals.
‘Cleaner required’ notices.
Local characters and colour (as in fast disappearing).
Conspicuous wealth.
Chain stores masquerading as independents.
Council sell-offs.
Cash from chaos.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

D

Niche Delis.
DJs every-fucking-where.
Disposable income.
Deck shoes
Development partners.
You’ve become a ‘Destination’ (as in ‘foodie,’ ‘fashion’ etc).
Tiny dogs carried by their owners.
Demographic shift (massive).
Designer shops.
Division.
‘Discoveries’.
Displacement.
Paid dog walkers.

E

Eateries.
Estate agents.
Your neighbourhood described as ‘edgy.’
Ethnic cleansing.
Evictions.
Edwardian chic.
Entrepreneurs.
Evening Standard features.
Events magazines/sites.
Exodus (movement of Jah people).

A lively morning debate outside a paint-splattered Brixton Foxtons

F

Film crews.
Frozen Yoghurt.
Food blogs.
Foodies.
Celebrity food journalists banging on about their latest ‘discovery.’
Foxtons.
Fucking Foxtons.
Fucking Foxtons’ wanky Minis.
Fucking Foxtons’ wanky Minis and the twats sat inside them.
Fucking Foxtons etc etc ad infinitum.
Flat whites.
Foursquare.
Flat caps.
Fixies.
Food photos.
Facebook pages.
Farmers’ markets.
Fashion shoots.
Fair trade bags.

G

‘Guerilla’ actions for corporate sponsors.
Guerilla Gardening.
Gourmet burgers.
Golf club bags.
Golf apparel.
Arty graffiti.
Local websites moaning about gentrification.
Gated communities.
Gated Mews.
Grant-sucking entrepreneurs.
Grammar school boys.
Global food.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

H

Hipsters.
‘Holistic’ things.
Hats.
Hot Dogs sold as upmarket street food.
Hyperlocal websites.
Hyperlocal newspapers.
Hyperlocal anything.
Homogenisation.
Hubs.
Heritage claimers.
Haves and Have Nots.
Hideous nicknames for your neighbourhood (e.g. Brixton becomes ‘Brikkers’).

I

Instagram photos of your neighbourhood.
iPads.
iPhones.
Irony.
‘Ironic’ sexism.
Ironic jumpers.
Businesses claiming to be ‘improving’ the area.
Inequality.
Intolerance.
Internships (unpaid).
“I Love Brixton/wherever” bags created by newly arrived businesses.

J

Joggers.
Jogging clubs.
Jay Rayner.
Jumpers across shoulders.
Jolly japes and whizzo wheezes.
Jamjar drinks.
Juice bars.

K

Knitting.
Kickstarter ventures.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

L

Lattes.
Lifestyle living.
Loft apartments.
Luxury flats.
Local businesses priced out.
Lifecoaches.
Locals (as in fast disappearing).
Leica cameras.
Lumberjack chic.
Ludicrous little lapdogs.
Ludicrous little lapdogs in handbags.

M

MacBooks
Moustaches.
Mochaccinos.
Mixologists.
Mankles.
Media people.
Micro breweries.
Money supplying parents.
Man bags.
Multisports clubs.

N

Neighbourhood described as once ‘notorious’.
Novelty nick nack stores.
Ninja knitting.
Endless noise complaints from people moving into a ‘vibrant’ area.
Neighbourhood newspapers.
1970/1980s/1990s retro fashions.
Nathan Barley.
Nu-folkies.
Night markets.

O

Organic everything.
New arrivals outraged at non complimentary reviews for their favourite nu-hoitie-totie fooderie.
Old shop signage kept above a trendy new and unrelated store.

P

Pop up shops.
Pop up bars.
Pop up restaurants.
Pop up boutiques.
Pop up fucking pop ups.
Posh artisan sausages.
Photo features.
Padded jackets.
Posh people.
Pampered pets.
Pampered pet stores.
Pubs closing down to make way for upmarket housing and supermarkets
Planning permission (lack of).
Photographers everywhere.
Massive 4×4 prams.
Personal trainers.
People photographing their fucking food.
Privilege.
People bragging about property deals.
Political apathy.
Pulp’s ‘Common People’ never sounded so relevant.

Q

Quirky.
Quilted jackets.
Queues.
Shopping ‘Quarters’.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

R

Rejuvenation.
Regeneration.
Re-imagining.
Renaming.
Rebooting.
Reprogramming.
Reinventing.
Rent rises.
Rugby shirts.
Rugby shirts with collars up.
Red trousers.
Running clubs.
Recently arrived complaining about the even more recently arrived.
Resentment.
Rude customers.
Retro markets.
Ray Bans.
Riding boots.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

S

SLR film cameras.
Studios.
Self interest.
Squats (lack of).
Social cleansing.
Social housing (lack of).
Skinny jeans.
Spacemakers.
Sourdough.
Supper clubs.
Sushi.
Sainsburys.
Starbucks.
Skis.
Suits.
Sushi.
Spectacles (huge).
Sunglasses (huge)
Shoreditch-style restaurants.
Security guards.
Traditional Street Markets (disappearing).
Smug people.
Snobs.
Secret foodie extravaganzas.
Speakeasys.
Shabby chic.
Sausage dog cafes.
Sky high prices.
‘Street food’.
Shop signage that looks like it was painted by a 5 year old.
Shop shutters painted by trendy artists .
Schools sold off for yuppie flats.
Shameless self-promotion.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

T

Time Out features.
Tight trousers.
Trendy tattoo studios.
Twats everywhere.
Tweed (ironic).
Tourists.
Tossers.
Tennis.
Tour guides.
Tote bag (promoting some local hipster shop/blog)
Tapas.
Tesco Metro.
TV crews.
Tories slithering in.
Tory attitudes.
Twitter hashtags.
T shirts of underground bands never seen – or even listened to – by their wearers.
Twee shit.

U

Uniform (skinny jeans, ironic glasses etc., copied directly from Brooklyn circa 2005).
Ultimate frisbee team.
The upwardly mobile.
Unaffordable rents.
Ukuleles.

The A - Z of Gentrification - sure-fire signs that your neighbourhood is upwardly mobile

V

Vibrancy.
Vibrant everything.
Vintage shops.
Varsity jackets.
‘Villages.’
Vibrant Hubs.
Vice Magazine.

W

Workshops.
Working class’ apparel.
Exclusive wine shops.
Wine Parlours.
Wellington boots.
Arriviste writers reviewing everything.
Organised walks.
Waxed moustaches.
Wealth gap.
Web designers.

X

eXtortionate prices.

Y

Yoga.
Braying yuppies.
Yuppies out!
Yummy mummys.
Young professionals.
Yarn Bombing.
Yummy things.

Z

The place turns into a fucking zoo.

 

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