Compiled with the help of folks living at the sharp end of a rapidly gentrifying neighbourhood, this guide hopes to let you swiftly identify the tell-tale words, phrases and signs that indicate your area is about to move ‘upmarket’.

Before you start spluttering the froth from your stretched piccolo latte into your fashionable waxed moustache, please note that not all of the individual things listed are necessarily bad or even outright proof of impending gentrification, but collectively they are likely indicators that the neighbourhood is ‘on the move’.

A

Adults calling their parents ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’
Artists everywhere (often rich ones replacing the poor ones).
Airbnb all over your street
American millionaire DJs  closing down local clubs
Artisan bread.
Artisan beer.
Artisan artisans.
Artisan fucking everything.
Artisanal.
Art events.
Antic pubs.
Actors.
Artist lofts.
“Adventurous” cuisine.
Astroturfing.
Al fresco dining.
Alcohol promotions.
Art galleries.
Apple MacBooks.
Apple stores.
Antique stores selling any old shit.
Anger from locals (growing daily).
Affordable rents that are not actually affordable.
Meaningless awards (‘Greatest Neighbourhood,’ ‘Best market’ etc).
A-Boards outside bars and restaurants with ‘amusing/ironic’ comments.
Awards for everything (‘Best Artisinal Cheesemakers With A Green Shop Door 2016’)

B

Bare light bulbs in bars, cafes, barbers etc.
Bikes (single speed/vintage).
Trendy bike stores
Barratt Homes.
Billionaire DJs buying up the area.
Brioche fucking buns.
Barbour clothes.
Bloggers.
Baristas.
Bistros.
Boutique festivals.
Boutiques.
Beards.
Branding.
Buy to Let.
Boutique hotels.
Trendy barbers.
Braying.
BBC interviewers.
BMWs.
Breakfast clubs
Buzzword spouting landgrabbers.
Black cabs.
Bow ties.
Blazers.
Bespoke cocktails.
Blackboards with ‘witty’ slogans.
Billionaire socialites DJs buying up half the town

C

Craft fairs.
Craft shops.
Craft beer.
Crafted.
Coffee shops.
Collectibles.
Coffee with fancy designs on the froth.
Cocktails.
Cupcakes (“the footsoldiers of gentrification”).
‘Community’ grants for well-heeled and well-connected new arrivals.
Creatives.
Specialist cheese shops.
Chalkboards with ‘quote of the day’ or some such other bollocks
Champagne & Cheese (or ‘Champagne & Fromage‘ for the gentrifying jackpot).
Crepes.
Cocktails.
Cocktail with stupid names.
Cocktail bars.
Cocktail bars with stupid names.
Canvas shopping bags promoting local shops/blogs/ethical guff.
Costa Coffee.
Caffe Nero.
Christmas jumpers (‘sooo kooky’)
Charcuterie.
Cricket people.
Co-operatives crucified by the local council.
Celebrities.
Recently arrived ‘Community Spokespeople’.
Crowdfunding appeals.
‘Cleaner required’ notices.
Local characters and colour (as in fast disappearing).
Conspicuous wealth.
Chain stores masquerading as independents.
Council sell-offs.
Cash from chaos.
Cod Caribbean restaurants (see Turtle Bay)
Curated art shows.
Curated trainer shops (yes, really)
Chocolatiers.

D

Niche Delis
Design collectives in the pocket of corporates
DJs in shops
DJs in markets
DJs in the street
DJs every-fucking-where.
Disposable income.
Deck shoes
Development partners.
You’ve become a ‘Destination’ (as in ‘foodie,’ ‘fashion’ etc).
Tiny dogs carried by their owners.
Demographic shift (rich in -> poor out).
Designer shops.
Division.
‘Discoveries’.
Displacement.
Paid dog walkers.
Luxury developments with idiotic ‘edgy’ names  (e.g. Block Porn)

E

Eateries.
Estate agents.
Estate agent cars with ‘trendy’ artwork.
Your neighbourhood described as ‘edgy.’
Ethnic cleansing.
Evictions.
Edwardian chic.
Entrepreneurs.
Evening Standard features.
Event magazines/sites.
Exodus (movement of Jah people).

F

Facilitators
Film crews.
Frozen Yoghurt.
Foodie blogs.
Food feasts. A meal is no longer enough. It has to be a ‘feast’.
Foodies.
Celebrity food journalists banging on about their latest ‘discovery.’
Foxtons.
Fucking Foxtons.
Fucking Foxtons’ wanky Minis.
Fucking Foxtons’ wanky Minis and the twats sat inside them.
Fucking Foxtons etc etc ad infinitum.
Flat whites.
Foursquare.
Flat caps.
Fixies.
Food photos.
Facebook pages.
Farmers’ markets.
Fashion shoots.
Fair trade bags.
Festivals (pop up festival/food festival etc etc)

G

‘Guerilla’ actions for corporate sponsors.
Guerilla Gardening.
Gourmet burgers.
Golf club bags being wheeled about by twats.
Golf apparel.
Arty graffiti.
Local websites moaning about gentrification.
Gated communities.
Gated Mews.
Grant-sucking entrepreneurs.
Grammar school boys.
Global food.

H

Hipsters.
‘Holistic’ things.
Hats.
Hot Dogs.
Hot dawgs.
Hyperlocal websites.
Hyperlocal newspapers.
Hyperlocal anything.
Homogenisation.
Hubs.
Heritage claimers.
Haves and Have Nots.
Hideous nicknames for your neighbourhood (e.g. Brixton becomes ‘Brikkers’).

I

Iconic branding of the neighbourhood.
Industrial units converted and rebranded (‘The Old Ballbearing Factory’ etc).
Infantile descriptions like ‘yummy’ and ‘scrummy’
Influencers
Instagram photos of the iconic branding of your neighbourhood.
Instagram photos of meals
Instagram photos of chalkboard with wacky messages
iPads.
iPhones.
Irony.
‘Ironic’ sexism.
Ironic jumpers.
Businesses claiming to be ‘improving’ the area.
Inequality.
Intolerance.
Internships (unpaid).
“I Love Brixton/wherever” tote bags created by newly arrived businesses.
Impresarios.
Incubators for business.
I Saw You Coming – rubbish tat shops for well-heeled gullible types.

J

Joggers.
Jogging clubs.
Jay Rayner.
Jumpers across shoulders.
Jolly japes and whizzo wheezes.
Jamjar drinks.
Juice bars.

K

Kids’ discos
Kids’ raves
Kids’ fashion events
Knitting.
Kickstarter ventures.

L

Lattes.
Lifestyle living.
Loft apartments.
Luxury flats.
Local businesses priced out.
Lifecoaches.
Locals (as in fast disappearing).
Leica cameras.
Lumberjack chic.
Ludicrous little lapdogs.
Ludicrous little lapdogs in handbags.
Lexadon property developers.

M

MacBooks
Moustaches.
Mochaccinos.
Mixologists.
Mankles.
Media people.
Micro breweries.
Money supplying parents.
Man bags.
Multisports clubs.
Mummies. Yummy mummies. Posh mummies. Mummies referring to themselves as mummies.
‘Iconic’ murals everywhere

N

Neighbourhood described as once ‘notorious’.
Networks.
Novelty nick nack stores.
Ninja knitting.
Endless noise complaints from people moving into a ‘vibrant’ area.
Neighbourhood newspapers.
1970/1980s/1990s retro fashions.
Nathan Barley.
Nu-folkies.
Nibbles.
Night markets.
Novelty cocktails.

O

Organic everything.
New arrivals outraged at non complimentary reviews for their favourite nu-hoitie-toitie fooderie.
Old shop signage kept above a trendy new and unrelated store.

P

Pop up shops.
Pop up bars.
Pop up restaurants.
Pop up boutiques.
Pop up fucking pop ups.
Pop Brixton.
Posh artisan sausages.
Photo features.
Padded jackets.
Posh people.
Pampered pets.
Pampered pet stores.
Pubs closing down to make way for upmarket housing and supermarkets
Planning permission (lack of).
Placemakers.
Photographers everywhere.
Massive 4×4 prams.
Personal trainers.
People photographing their fucking food.
Privilege.
People bragging about property deals.
Political apathy.
Pulp’s ‘Common People’ never sounded so relevant.
Pre-loved (i.e. second hand crap).
Pulled pork.

Q

Quirky.
Quilted jackets.
Queues.
Shopping ‘Quarters’.

R

Rejuvenation.
Regeneration.
Re-imagining.
Renaming.
Rebooting.
Reprogramming.
Reinventing.
Rent rises.
Rugby shirts.
Rugby shirts with collars up.
Red trousers.
Ridiculous job titles.
Rugger chaps
Running clubs.
Recently arrived complaining about the even more recently arrived.
Resentment.
Rude customers.
Retro markets.
Ray Bans.
Riding boots.

S

SLR film cameras.
Studios.
Self interest.
Squats (lack of).
Social cleansing.
Social housing (lack of).
Social media influencers.
Skinny jeans.
Spacemakers.
Sourdough.
Shipping containers re-purposed into vibrant commercial hubs.
Supper clubs.
Sushi.
Sainsburys.
Scoping.
Starbucks.
Skis.
Suits.
Sushi.
Spectacles (huge).
Sunglasses (huge)
Shoreditch-style restaurants.
Security guards.
Traditional Street Markets (disappearing).
Snobs.
Secret foodie extravaganzas.
Speakeasies.
Shabby chic.
Small plates
Sharing plates
Stupid shaped plates
Sausage dog cafes.
Sky high prices.
‘Street food’.
Stupid bar/restaurant names
Shop signage that looks like it was painted by a 5 year old.
Shop shutters painted by trendy artists .
Schools sold off for yuppie flats.
Shameless self-promotion.
Sweet shops.
Stupid bar names.
Supper clubs.
Secret Gardens in pubs.
Street art sponsored by brands

T

Talks about gentrification.
Time Out features.
Trendy tattoo studios.
Twats everywhere.
Tweed (ironic).
Tourists.
Tossers.
Tennis.
Tour guides.
Tote bags (promoting some local hipster shop/blog)
Tapas.
Tesco Metro.
TV crews.
Tories slithering in.
Tory attitudes.
Twitter hashtags.
T shirts of underground bands never seen – or even listened to – by their wearers.
Twee shit.

U

Uniform (skinny jeans, ironic glasses etc., copied directly from Brooklyn circa 2005).
Ultimate frisbee team.
The upwardly mobile.
Unaffordable rents.
Ukuleles.
Upcycling.

V

Vibrant.
Vibrancy.
Vibrant Hubs.
Vibrant bars.
Vibrant clubs.
Vibrant fucking everything.
Vintage shops.
Varsity jackets.
‘Villages.’
Vice Magazine.

W

Walking tours.
Workshops.
Working class’ apparel.
Exclusive wine shops.
Wine Parlours.
Wellington boots.
Arriviste writers reviewing everything.
Organised walks.
Waxed moustaches.
Wealth gap.
Web designers.

X

eXtortionate prices.

Y

Yoga.
Hot Yoga.
Yoga chains.
Braying yuppies.
Yuppies out!
Yummy mummys.
Young professionals.
Yarn Bombing.
Yummy things.

Z

The place turns into a fucking zoo.

 

Have we missed anything?
Please add your own suggestions below and we’ll add the good ones!