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reports:reclaim the streets shaky stuff my day out glasgow protest oh to be an Anarchist! violent conduct my day out (2) debate! >> suits you sir! so why the city? international reports more to come? Hansard report Lovely day in the sun |
SUITS YOU, SIR! (report from SchNEWS 217, 25th June 1999) "Booze-fuelled hardcore anarchists turn anti-capitalist protest into orgy of violence." - Daily Star It all started nicely enough - 500 cyclists staged a Critical Mass blockade of the streets, Lloyds and NatWest banks were occupied and animal rights activists shouted at an empty building. No-one - least of all the police - could anticipate the mayhem to come. "Just heard that the boys at Tullett and Tokyo whose office overlooks London Bridge have been waving their gold cards and shouting 'Wankers' at the eco-warriors going past." - E-mail circulating City Liverpool St. Station, 12 noon: Ten thousand ungrateful, work-shy dole-scroungers gathered to bite both the hand that feeds them and the free sandwiches provided to lure them away from consumer Utopia; colour-coded party masks distributed amongst the crowd resulted in four separate columns of protesters winding their way through the city streets to converge on the belly of the beast - The London International Financial Futures and Options Exchange (LIFFE). At this point the Carnival - organised by and for a coalition of nice, peaceful anarchists- was hijacked by the disgraceful, masked-up, beer-swilling, black-clad, cop-hating psychopaths that give anarchy a bad name. And then the fun really began.  "We're being beseiged by open-toed-sandalled hippy vandals. We have armed our doorman, Bernard, with a shotgun." - Partner at Maclay, Murray and Spens ('The Lawyer') To the noise of pneumatic drill gabba from a sound-system, a trained Class War hate mob trampled on the bare toes of decent liberal protesters and embarked on a systematic redesign of the urban environment. 'Imagine London with its rivers unearthed and its valleys revealed' they screamed as CCTV cameras were bagged up, revellers danced in a four-storey fountain of their own urine and the front door of LIFFE was bricked up with breeze blocks and cement hauled in by crack-fuelled chaos junkies. Punk band P.A.I.N.- at least one member sporting an outrageous mohican haircut- baited rioters with angry hate music- with added percussion from boots going through the windows of a Mercedes showroom. "Five activists are reported to have shaved the head of a besuited City type, while pinning him against Freshfield's wall." - 'The Lawyer' Dreadlocked crusties disguised in Oxfam suits stormed their way into the reception of the Liffe building, showering traders- cowering behind piles of photocopied tenners- with fountains of diseased blood as bare feet demolished the plate-glass reception. The masked middle-class mayhem mongers stormed the escalators in pitched battle with salt-of-the-earth Cockney dealers before being squirted back out on the street with champagne cannons. "Bankers, traders and stockbrokers are the real working class." - Daily Telegraph editorial Other demonstrators attacked branches of McDonalds; kamikaze vegans hurled themselves through the windows and bombarded police with frozen burgers, urging customers to eat Edward and Sophie instead. Others covered themselves with ketchup and deceitfully claimed police brutality. "Schroeders were attacked by climbing nuts, who attempted to scale the building with ropes and crampons, but were thwarted when traders urinated on their heads." - E-mail circulating city traders Thankfully, citizens, such spontaneity is unlikely to happen again. Assistant Chief Constable James Hart of City Police has stated: "We may, if conditions call for it, be more assertive next time; we'll come in harder, at significant risk to innocent members of the public peaceful protesters and police officers." Or maybe they'll just ban dissent altogether. Meanwhile... "Next Friday will be the International City Day of Action. On this day, we ask you all to don your finest pinstripe, knot the italian silk tie, booted with British brogue, apply your monocles, glue mobile phone to ear and then head off down to Brighton to disrupt as many dreadlocked soap dodging men and women with dogs on string as possible." - E-mail circulating City traders (unfortunately everyone in Brighton will be at Glastonbury). |
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