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SchNEWS reveals Mayday actions
from SchNEWS FRIDAY 20th April, 2001
As the temperature rises in the run up to this year's Mayday protests, the
mainstream press have been printing such extravagant lies it's hard to know
what's actually going on.
Crusties yesterday revealed to SchNEWS their
devastating new organic biological weapons, as they finally managed to
split the pea. "Why should the police have a monopoly on violence?" a
spokesperson told us from the anarchists' new HQ, a squatted postbox in
South London. Actions include:
- 'Operation Dessert Storm' will see police lines covered in gloopy
custard dropped from marauding helicopters.
- Reclaim the Streets have forged links with Japanese whalers to
stockpile harpoon guns, while their millionaire leader is thought to
be bribing police to stay off duty on May 1st.
- Carrier pigeons are being used to get around email monitoring. They
will be fed raw couscous, as it expands in their stomachs they'll
explode all over central London. And unwashed dogs on hemp strings
will attack police alsatians.
- Top direct action stylist Anita Roddick will massage police to death
with peppermint foot cream.
- Protesters will liberate gorillas from London Zoo so they can do a bit
of, er, gorilla gardening.
- The WOMBLES are organising a litter pick of Wimbledon Common.
- In a shocking parody of Blue Peter, the police will produce a riot
they prepared earlier.