Flats in Dagenham! Flats in Dagenham! Kate Bush! -

In case you’re wondering what the above is about let me explain – the first is the written sound of the mighty drum roll intro to the 1980s stadium-thumper, ‘In a Big Country’ by Scots bagpipe-alike band, Big Country.

The second is a representation of a snare drum being hit, quickly followed by a cymbal (the ‘Bush’ bit).

I know, you’re baffled. It’s an old drummer’s joke, and the reason I’m dredging up these appalling nuggets of drummer ‘humour’ is that today I got to play on a drum kit again.

Some of you may know that I had a moderate level of musical semi-obscurity during my other life as a drummer, playing for the likes of the Monochome Set, Dream Academy and having albums remixed by hotshot producers like The Orb.

Despite securing several major record deals, my time in the music industry was a frustrating one, brought about by the necessity of constant contact with record company arseholes, egotists, brown nosers and fuckwits leaving me with a whole rack of unreleased singles, albums, masters, 48-tracks etc. all sitting at home, never to see the light of day.

I spent considerable time bashing the fuck out of these skins. Joy!

Anyway, I digress. Today I was taking photos for a south London music studio, and seeing a battered old drum kit in a soundproofed room, I had to have a go.

And I had fun.

The good news is that it seemed that I hadn’t forgotten anything, and felt right at home laying down a few ‘funky drummers’, reggae riffs and nifty hi-hat triplets. The bad news is that the ease in which I hit my old standard of playing began to suggest that perhaps I wasn’t that good in the first place!

And the even worse news (for people living in my vicinity) is that now I’m seriously thinking about investing in a small kit… I want a drum kit again!